Oh What Fun

It's almost Christmas. And we know how I feel about Christmas as evidenced here and here. The commercialism of the holiday gets me every year and the only reason that this year is an exception is because I'm so focused on keeping the tree from doing pushups on my son. Or him doing pushups on the tree. It changes daily. Hourly, really.

Honestly, I CANNOT WAIT FOR MONKEY TO OPEN HIS PRESENTS! He opened a small present from Favorite Teacher at daycare and the look of pure joy on his face was priceless.  His mouth formed a perfect "O" which was followed by a gigantic grin. Clearly he was thinking that this little snowman ornament was the greatest thing evah!

And it made me think, when was the last time I looked at something with such awe? Hard to say. When Monkey was born, I was in shock. When I got married, I couldn't stop smiling. I can't remember back further than that because I'm only now getting eight of hours of sleep again. Hopefully, it wasn't as a toddler that the world was still amazing.

This Christmas, I plan on soaking up every minute of that childish wonder while watching for any sign of a reaction to the vaccination that he's receiving the day before. This year, Monkey gets the gift of life.

Food Friday

I have to admit, I found this week challenged me foodily and not in a good way. I could never quite get on the same page as my menu and I found that my kitchen just wouldn't stay clean. Throw in the rain and 40 mph gusts of wind, and it's just been one of those weeks. Case in point: I have a carpet runner in the washing machine because Husband couldn't get Mandie out the door fast enough this morning. I don't know if you can actually wash a carpet runner in the washing machine but Maternal Unit suggested the delicate cycle, so we'll see what happens (apparently, I'm way too lazy to track down my Little Green machine). I did manage to come up with some edible items, so here they are in all...their mediocrity.



Slow Cooker Ham

We're a total turkey for Thanksgiving, ham for Christmas family and I only make my ham in the slow cooker. I also ate the piece with all the crispiness on it. It was delish.

Husband devoured this ham, which I glazed with my own homemade glaze. Okay, are you ready for this? Are you sure, because it's complex. Take a half cup pineapple juice and a half cup brown sugar and put them in a saucepan and bring it to a boil, stirring continuously, until thickened. Pour over ham. I know, I'm totally full of myself.

So this year, I went very low key. Instead of making everything myself (short of growing whatever veggie I decided to make), previous holiday food had all been from scratch. This year I had to work 12 am to 8 am at The Hotel, so I knew I wasn't going to want to cook when I got home. So it was corn from a can, brown and serve rolls from Safeway and the mashed potatoes were from scratch. Because I make the best mashed potatoes. Just ask anyone (who values their life).

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Once a week, I end up having to work back to back shifts at both jobs and with the need to get enough sleep, I don't have the time to really cook, so we have a Freezer Food day. That's right, I buy frozen entrees and myself an extra hour hour of sleep. This week, we had Margaritaville Calypso Coconut Shrimp, which were quite tasty but don't expect Red Lobster perfection here. The biggest plus, though, was the abundance of sauce they give you. One packet totally sauces 12 shrimp and I'm a huge double (okay, triple) dipper. Kudos on the sauce Margaritaville!

Out of the frying pan and ready for the oven

I will say, though, while this week was particularly humdrum, I did conquer one of my fears: frying food. *wild applause here* I am deathly afraid that I will somehow spark the Apocalypse by frying anything. However, when I came across a recipe for Taco Bell Mexican Pizzas at Fantastical Sharing of Recipes, I couldn't resist. The Taco Bell inspired grilled stuffed burritos had been such a huge success, I thought, why not try to recreate the whole menu?! (okay maybe not the whole menu, but at least the stuff I like). Anywho, I used a whole pound of ground turkey versus a half pound, so I turned mine into double decker Mexican pizzas.

Whatever the Spanish is for "eat me," insert that here.

These were really good, except you wouldn't know it from Husband. Unbeknownst to me, he'd picked up something to eat (from Taco Bell, ironically enough) right before coming home. Well, all was not lost, as I've now popped my frying cherry (wow that really does read just as disgusting as it sounds and yet I can't bring myself to delete it). It's like a whole new world for me.

So, did you try your hand at something new this week? Flambe perhaps or maybe making ketchup from scratch?

A Christmas Story

Now most of you know that I am one of THOSE people and not ashamed of it. I call my dogs, Mandie and Melodie, my fur kids. Husband and I don't have children yet (we're on the four year plan and are barely to year three) but we do worry about poop, clean up vomit and stuff vitamins down throats. Mandie was our first, Husband's little darling, and probably gets the most face time here. However, Melodie aka Scruffy, holds a very special place in my heart.

She was our first foster and after going thru one adoption weekend, heartbroken no one had chosen her, I couldn't let her go. It's also no secret, that she is my first and last puppy. The potty training, the stepping on machete sharp puppy teeth, the kennel cough, all proof that God made puppies cute so you wouldn't boot them out the door. (*side note: for whatever reason, it never computed that puppy teeth fall out, so the first time I stepped on one, I was a complete mess. Husband looked at me like I had just told him I grew a penis and calmly said, "That's what puppies do. That's how they get adult teeth." My frantic desire to cure my ailing puppy then turned to irritation as that friggin' tooth had nearly inserted itself entirely into the ball of my foot)

I call this a Christmas story because we officially made Melodie ours right before Christmas and she was my present. Now, nearly two years later I don't what I'd do without the daily search for my slipper socks or 6:30 am wake up whines (for which I shouldn't complain since that means my freshman attempts at housebreaking were a success). I had never been into the bearded terrier types but now I have a full on love affair with all scruffykins, although, you'll be hard-pressed to find a scruffier one than mine. Some of my favorite moments of the day are doling out belly rubs and scritches, just so I can see Melodie make sleepy eyes. Yeah it's corny and pretty much un-UDG like, but it gives me a little of that peace I feel on Christmas year round.

So from our home, full of food smells and dog hair, to yours, I wish you a very merry Christmas.

I sit. Now treat?

All I want for Christmas...

As most of you undoubtedly remember from last year, I have an ongoing struggle with the commercialism of Christmas. I am by no means against gift giving; the opposite is true. I love giving and receiving gifts, it give me a warm fuzzy feeling down deep in my left big toe. What I HATE is people who whine and complain about gift giving. If you don't want to do it, THEN DON'T. The "Well my kids/husband/best friend's cousin's dentist expects it" is bologna. You're just looking for a reason to go woe is me, my life is so hard, I HAVE PEOPLE IN MY LIFE TO BUY GIFTS FOR. Bite me. If the people in my life became so greedy as to expect something from me at Christmas, they go straight to the Christmas card only pile. People who try to genuinely harbor cheer and goodwill at this time will most likely end up with something from The Store. Just saying (I get a discount, so again feel free to bite my rather large round Puerto Rican hiney).

Now that I have that somewhat out of my system (I won't truly be free of my inner Scrooge until my decorations are safely packed away in storage), I thought I'd share some of the items that, if Husband were the gagillionaire I thought I would marry someday, I'd be demanding requesting.

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Behold, the epitome of all things domestic. Some of you may be wondering why I don't already own one. I ask myself that same question every damn day.

                                     Source: Uploaded by user via Catherine on Pinterest

Obviously I need this house to match my mixer. Duh.

Photo used with owner's permission

Now I just wrote this wonderful paragraph about how my engagement ring is a pearl and unique and everyone loves it, so this necklace would go perfectly with it but Blogger is already preying on my altered Christmas joy and deleted it. Bah. Humbug. The necklace was made by a college friend, Cassie Sanchez. She's one of those people who's pretty, giving, strong-willed and creative to boot, the complete opposite of yours truly. I don't hold that against her. Take a moment to check out her Etsy Shop, Eden's Closet. She has some perfect items for the fashionista on your list.

                                        Source: seabreacher.com via Shelby on Pinterest

That's right it's a mini sub. Hey, it's not like I'm asking for a normal size one, geez.

                              Source: dailypuppy.com via The Undomestic Goddess on Pinterest

They told me dachshunds were like chips, you can't have just one. I should've told them I don't eat junk food.

And there it is. My (in)comprehensive wish list. The only items missing are abs and the ability to eat copious amounts of mac and cheese while effortlessly maintaining those abs. Oh and I'd consider it my Christmas miracle if you took a moment to "like" me on Facebook (no Melodie, momma wrote "like" not "lick).

So, what about yourself? Asking for anything special this year? A car, perhaps? Or are you taking the more humble approach and only asking for one G6 instead of two?