Wanted: Someone with skills other than yours

I didn't take a lot of joy in being unemployed. I'm certain that this is not an uncommon sentiment and feel for my fellow competitors job seekers. A while ago, there was a rousing resume session at the one retail bright spot in this retail wormhole, the Outlets.

Apparently my foot work was completely unnecessary. Since it's been three years since I last actively looked for work, I was unaware that every store and its mother headquarters had shunned paper and embraced technology wholeheartedly. None of the store managers wanted to receive my pristinely printed resume or had any interest in me unless to find out if I had previously sold my soul to another retailer (which, luckily, I have).

Then they would hand me card with a web address. Apparently this web address was going to be the first step in applying for a job. Fabulous for me. More time sitting in front of a computer, typing the same thing over and over again. As if three years of that hadn't been enough.

So I went to these web addresses and I filled out the same questions, over and over and over again. I took personality surveys which I'm sure portray me as some sort of sociopath. I uploaded my resume (so glad I took the time and ink to print out all those copies) and answered more questions and told them that no, I am not a retired Hispanic veteran with one eye.

Don't get me wrong, the whole trip wasn't a complete bust. I did get a group interview at one of the stores for a later date, which was encouraging. And depressing, as that was still time without a job. It's times like this when I blame Maternal Unit for not making me excel at crafts, so I could stay home and knit dog sweaters and make millions.

Proof there's a fortune to be made off suckers who buy dog sweaters.